Home Calmed my Raging Heart.

It was just one of those habitual Saturdays in school that I never thought would turn out as how it did.  After having KFC dinner delivered at the SC Office, we decided to go home and study. All of a sudden, a certain text message drove me to yet another alcohol-infested evening.

I truly cannot trace where the insensitivity came from. How it all came to existence. But it was like a sword struck to the pit of my gut and into the middle of my heart. The pain was already a physical discomfort that I lashed out at everyone who was extra nice to me. They didn’t deserve it but I was just too buried in my own emotions that I completely disregarded other people’s concerns. For the past few weeks I have experienced feeling all sorts of emotions in a span of an hour. It’s exhausting and it’s quite flabbergasting to know how I have handled it and still managed to hold on to the little sanity I have left.

When he talked me into going to law school, I happily obliged and I have no regrets. I am quite good in this field, I realized. When he talked me into running for Student Council, I did not hesitate. Whatever made him happy made me happier even though I have always known I’m a lousy politician.  Now, I feel trapped in his world and I am clueless as to who I should pour out all my anger. I cannot just pick people in random and squeeze the life out of them. So I drank…and drank…and cried the most pathetic tears of my life. How can I be in Mark’s world as just G? I feel trapped in the world he had brought me into that I just snapped out of reason.

Instead of going home at 3:00am, I took a cab, went straight to the airport and bought myself a one-way ticket to Cebu. I boarded the 7:30am flight with no clothes, no cellphone and only Php17.00 to my name.  I spent Php10.00 to call and inform my mom I was arriving in the morning. I was so thirsty but the bottled water was something I couldn’t afford so I drank from the bathroom sink. I waited for my flight asleep in the cold metal benches with my books as my pillow. I arrived at home at 9:30am crying. Why did I let it come this far? When did I ever become such a weakling? Cowardice was the neighborhood I never would’ve ventured but I let this happen. 

I never truly believed that home could calm my raging heart…until now. My Mom’s arms were heaven. Thank you, Mommy.